Lyft Conversations: Drunk Whisperer

November 3, 2023

A conversation with my Lyft driver, around 3:45am this morning, paraphrased:

Me: “You out early or late?”

Driver: “Oh I’m out late. I get all the partygoers. Some people don’t like driving the partygoers, but I’m fine with it. I’m the drunk whisperer. 11,000 rides and only two times they’ve puked in my car.

“But you know what? I’m there for you, whatever you need. I’ll roll down the window, drive slow. You do your thing. I had to sit through two full stoplights once because a girl was puking out my window.”

Me: “Well, that’s not a bad shift — going from partygoers to airport rides.”

Driver: “No, you're missing a step. My night goes: party goers, booty calls, then airport rides.

“I’m the new walk of shame. But this is a no judgement zone. People are adults, then can make their own choices, you know?”

Me: “You could probably write a book with everything you’ve seen and heard.”

Driver: “Oh no! I wouldn’t do that. This is a sacred space.

“People need a place where they’re not being recorded all the time.

“Let me tell you, with cameras everywhere, and everything recorded — well — it ruins the mystique of life. You know what I'm saying?

“People will record themselves and everything they do, then the second they’re not recording, what are they doing? They’re watching. And they’ll get along fine — but they’re not really living, are they?”

“I don’t argue with women anymore. I just don’t… My grandfather always said: ‘say your piece, then forever hold your peace.’”

5 stars, friendly driver.

See the previous post in “Lyft Conversations.”