Becoming a Father #2: Conversation

April 29, 2025

The day after my birthday, ‘A’ and I were sitting on the floor of the nursery late. (It was 8pm, which is considered late now.) I was using my leg in a V-shape to hold him upright, his head near my knee.

His eyes fixated on me, in a strange and unusual way. I tried what I had been for weeks at this point: making faces, sounds, and clowning around in attempt to get even the smallest reaction out of him.

The first few weeks of this felt like a comedy routine performed to an audience of bricks. (Screaming bricks, specifically.) While ‘A’ has become more expressive capable of eye contact over time, there still hasn’t been a clear “call and response” between him and I.

I started opening my mouth wide and making a soft ‘ahh’ sound. After a few tries, he began opening his mouth too, and responded with a happy: ‘ahh’! His face then curled into (what I’m going to call) his first smile.

We've made contact – our first conversation!

This may not be interesting to most people reading this (nobody is reading this), as it’s a stereotypical moment that every parent experiences. But when it happens to you, you can feel the world shift.

Like the sap that I am, I burst into tears and began crying. (I blame my mother for this trait.) In response, ‘A’ immediately furrowed his brow, likely confused at what he did to make me upset.

Last week, a friend of mine asked me what the most unexpected part of my experience has been thus far.

I told him I was surprised that I love the baby phase!

To my understanding, many men love their children, but don’t like babies. I think that’s fine. If you find yourself in this camp, you push through this phase until you reach the other side.

I firmly believed I would be in this camp until I met ‘A’ for the first time. The challenging parts are easily forgotten in the wake of tectonic shifts like the one I experienced last night.